sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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