I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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