Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
