She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
