We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
