Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize