You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
