First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
