hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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