Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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