I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
