3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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