So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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