I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
