this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
