I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
