I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
