he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
