Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
