She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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