Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
