My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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