Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
