Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
