Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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