Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
