she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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