Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
