How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
