On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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