New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
