dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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