Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize