I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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