omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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