we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
