drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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