I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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