my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
