Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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