Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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