Do you still have your period?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
