Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
