In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
