i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
