there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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