i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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