She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
As shirtless as possible
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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