she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
