I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
