No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
