why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
either way he was missing a nipple.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
