i wish peter jackson would direct porn
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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