y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
