My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize