the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Dicks are not precious.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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