But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
