Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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