he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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