I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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