you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
