Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
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