My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
