I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
