Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
The power of my boobs compel you
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
