@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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