Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
