I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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