I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
