That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
