I only kidnapped one of them. chill
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It was like getting head from an anaconda
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
