so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
