He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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