I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
