took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
