Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
