ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
