Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
