He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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