I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
