Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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